A trip back to GOP conventions of yore, before HIM.

Videos I made before the GOP was fully apocalyptic

Here we are in the middle of another exciting political convention cycle! The Democratic Party and Kamala Harris are having a very big moment, and I’m excited about it. But I am trying not to be TOO excited about it because, as my husband likes to say, “Don’t boast while the gods are listening.’

It seems like it would be fun to be there and I ALMOST was. The American Bystander, a humor magazine, was going to send me and my occasional writing partner Megan Koester (along with a slate of other humor-oriented-quasi-politicos)….but the funding fell through.

But that is not why I called you all here today.

WHY I CALLED YOU ALL HERE TODAY.

I called you all here today to have a look at my not-very-illustrious past history of occasionally covering political conventions. I was on the periphery (where I so rightfully belong) of the conventions that were held in 1992 and 1996. And I am about to prove it by posting two videos that now serve as a little exercise in nostalgia, lest we forget entirely about the far less terrifying version of the GOP that existed before You-Know-Who stepped onto the national stage in 2016. These conventions took place before we witnessed with our own eyes how large sweaty crowds of our fellow citizens were willing to stand mesmerized in 100 degree heat while a narcissist with no interest in anything but his own ego talked to them about his large crowd numbers and how much better looking he feels he is than his opposition. This was also long before The Heritage Foundation created their nightmarish Project 2025 or Peter Thiel decided to prove once and for all that by donating enormous sums of money to the campaign he could use this guy as a tool for making the discontinuation of democracy, a system he finds annoying, a real possibility.

I do not wish to imply that the pre-2016 GOP was any kind of balmy day at the beach. I was worried about their small minded and nefarious plans even back then. And there was plenty of discussion in media among his opponents about the low IQ of George W. Bush and the terrifying step-daddy relationship he seemed to have to Vice President Dick Cheney. But, as many before me have already pointed out, Bush and Cheney now both seem like genteel, law-abiding constitutional-scholars compared to the churlish vulgarians who represent the GOP in the present.

1. GOP Convention in Houston,Texas. 1992

I invite you now to take a seat. I have started up the time machine. And because I am nothing if not concerned about your comfort and well being, I made sure the time machine we are using not only has a small carbon footprint but brand new seat belts. So go ahead and buckle up.

Our first stop is a visit to The GOP convention of 1992 in Houston, when I was thrilled to be a small part of the convention coverage being offered by Comedy Central. Yes! They had convention coverage that year! It was hosted by Al Franken, sixteen years before he became a U.S. Senator. And the presidential race was gearing up to be run by President George W. Bush, seeking a second term against some guy the Democrats were going to nominate who used to be the governor of Arkansas. He was named Bill Clinton.

Because I was acutely aware that even the tiniest details of all the big important political stories were being covered unto infinity by every major media star and outlet, I saw my own role a little differently. I tasked myself with finding and reporting on the most arcane, eccentric and irrelevant pieces of the existing political landscape. Therefore, the minute I spotted it, I made a bee-line for “The American Spirit Pavillion” to investigate what the PR release claimed was “a showcase of American Business Innovations.”

What I actually found there was, of course, nothing but an enormous display of Republican souvenir shopping opportunities under a big sign boasting “Something for everyone on your Republican gift list.” That is the kind of invitation that every other reporter ignores. But I could not have been more delighted to see it.

Warning: This video is, for some reason, out of sync at the top, during the opening. It seems to even out as it continues to play. I guess my hard drive isn’t the sterile storage chamber I hoped it would be.

2. GOP Convention in San Diego, 1996

The second time I went to a GOP convention was in 1996 when I was working for a mid-morning syndicated magazine show. This time the convention was being held in San Diego and the race was on between President Bill Clinton, seeking a second term, and Republican candidate Bob Dole…who, by comparison to the bozo who is the current GOP candidate, seems absolutely professorial and scholarly. It’s hard to believe he was part of the GOP.

Here again, you will see that you can always count on me to bring you the most completely irrelevant Republican party details.

3.THE GOP Convention in Cleveland Ohio,2016

In 2016, I did NOT attend the convention. Their souvenirs and unseemly paintings and frightening neck-wear were safe from my prying eyes. But I was tangentially involved in commentary, via streaming by my connection to a website (that no longer exists) that belonged to Turner Broadcasting.

I created a lot of content from this live stream that no one ever saw. Maybe that is for the best. The only thing I saved from this experience is this video of carefully selected (by me) hot dance moves performed by the GOP delegates in attendance, as they gleefully celebrated the rise of their new GOP hope for the future: that guy whose name I am trying not to mention.

And now we return to 2024 where the Democratic Convention is in its Big Second Day.

And all I have to say, in closing, is Vote Blue.