I have been in a hetero-normative relationship with one cis man for 23 years. Two years ago we took legal steps to call it “a marriage.” Earlier in my life, I was in three other lengthy relationships with three other hetero-normative cis males. This makes me a hetero-normative cis male relationship survivor of over half a century and therefore an expert of sorts. And when I say “of sorts” I mean…well, I am not sure what I mean. That “of sorts” just kind of flew in there. My point is that I know a little something about the many and varied challenges one faces in trying to have a relationship with a hetero-normative cis male human. The more forthcoming among them will readily admit the truth of this. It is not always a picnic. In fact, the very idea of a picnic of any kind with a hetero-normative cis male opens the door to such a complex set of planning hurdles that I will address that topic by itself some other time.
What I am saying is that if managing and maintaining a long term relationship with a hetero-normative cis male is among your short or long term life goals, there are subtle but deliberate behavioral adjustments that you must know how to make. Chief among them is learning to fight effectively, and with fairness because it is a given that arguments and conflicts with hetero-normative cis males attempting to conduct a traditional long term relationship are going to flow toward you on incalculable occasions like an undammed coarsing river. And when they do, it will be up to you, the partner of the hetero-normative cis male, to not only hold your own but to clearly understand the placement of all the advancing soldiers on the opposing battlefield. Only by doing this will you be able to wisely avoid a humiliating defeat in an impending skirmish.
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By the way, in this piece, I have targeted hetero-normative couples only because I have always secretly hoped that perhaps gay couples are in some way more sensible. However because I am aware that gay couples are also comprised of humans, I suspect this may not be the case.
Let us now examine some of the tools you, as part of a couple, have at your disposal.
Obviously, on this page I have but scratched the surface of this complicated subject. As a final note, please remember to practice these techniques in front of a mirror before you take them into any theater of war. If you are not buying them as convincing, neither will anyone else. I wish you all the best of luck.
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Thank you Madame Gaines.
I'm forwarding this to the spouse so that after 39 years we can at long last finally have a proper marriage