I’ll be 65 on Friday, and I read The Feminine Mystique at camp. Needless to say, I was not one of the cool kids. I was genuinely puzzled for years by my mother. She and dad both held masters degrees. In fact, they met in class. Unfortunately, her parents forced her to major in a practical degree. Now I’m not saying her parents were wrong. Because her father was a farmer and he said none of his kids were ever going to be a farmer. She ended up becoming a bacteriologist. She described long days bent over microscope in the stifling heat of Florida in the 50s. She actually quit her job to try to conceive a baby at the advice of her doctor. I did not think that was anything but an urban legend.
Anyway, it didn’t work so they adopted me as a newborn. She was forbidden to work for three years by the state of Florida after adoption. My sister was adopted in 62 so there went three more years. She didn’t go back to work until we were teenagers
However, my mother was a person of incredible drive and creativity unlike anyone I have ever known. She filled her days by learning how to sew to a professional tailor level. Cooking like a gourmet chef. I still have a leather suede jacket she made for me when I was 14. She also knitted me a coat when I was six that I use as a sweater.
She had a huge garden and we went off them pick vegetables for a salad. She decapod anything she could find that would lie down long enough for her to slap mod podge on it. She made all of her clothes and our clothes. She took courses and interior design and flipped five houses by the time I was 11. My dad kept getting new jobs in the field of public health, which was new and really hot back then.
Also, she seemed really enjoy having us around full-time. I am the mother of two adoptive daughters myself and I really don’t see how she did it. Especially before disposable diapers.
I was actually terrified of getting married because I did not think I could find a marriage as happy as my parents and so I didn’t until I was 33.
Pow-er-ful. Dang. Women's history is so depressing. Great reporting. I remember reading Friedan in college in the early 80's. Even then other students commented about the types of gals who took a Women's Studies course. Sigh.
I tried to find evidence of women murdering their rapist husbands with poison in the 18th century, but a cursory search revealed it was more of a 19th century phenomena, and most of the articles were about suicide. I was looking for a joke. I did not find one. Thanks for writing this. It was great.
Mom split in 1970 for a chance to grab life. (antique shop, weed, no married man in town was safe)
Father said,
" just when everything was going so nicely, Marie"
Still close friends with moms first BF and I see him often, dear kind man. His brother in the insane asylums Psychiatrist in Traverse City turned out to be my future wifes dad. Ahh the currents of time and life.
I did wait until 52 though
Raised by 2 fairly functional co-dependents. My friends called it, " playing the long game"
though I think that is a cloaked wish-affirmation of their own marriage lived terror. Many are divorced now, spit out of the matrimony universe like a watermelon seed.
They tell/ told me things. Post divorce the men compared life to the final scene in Deliverance when
Ned Beatty tells Jon Voight, " I dont think I'll see you for a while Ed"
The women were more like, " vibrators dont talk back"
But I have a dear Irish Psychiatrists daughter wife now ( and she isnt my property) And if I bitch about
why open a fresh orange marmalade to go with the Brie when there is one on the door,
she will just fake punch me in the nuts..
that felt better, do you take blue cross/ blue shield?
It’s pretty startling to realize that women couldn’t have their own credit card or bank account until the 70’s. This is an excellent article. Funny and informative. Thank you. (I actually did LOL.)
Thanks for the awesome article! That bit about women having fulfilling careers before and during WWII and being pushed to be housewives after floored me. That explains the whiplash I feel when I want to have a career and be independent and at the same time feel like I’m too independent and failing as a wife. Because I must do it all and be everything. The 70s and 80s were a weird time to come of age.
wonderful (as always)! quick question--my spouse is a US historian who often talks/writes about coverture, but I've never heard her say it was repealed by the Supreme Court in the 1960s (when she talks about it, she notes the ERA would have eradicated it). can I ask what case you're talking about? thanks!
I sense from your writing that age-wise you and I are probably in the same ballpark. That no doubt grants me a perspective that accounts for relating to a fair amount of your writing. As a man you can sometimes make me feel ashamed of that fact based on the history of man/woman relationships. I can at least feel somewhat confident that these days the "role" of the woman has a new perception relative to 70 years ago. (At least in my "neighborhood"!...) I love your writing and particularly your great wit and sense of humor. To quote "Frank 4", "Thanks for writing this. It was great."
I’ll be 65 on Friday, and I read The Feminine Mystique at camp. Needless to say, I was not one of the cool kids. I was genuinely puzzled for years by my mother. She and dad both held masters degrees. In fact, they met in class. Unfortunately, her parents forced her to major in a practical degree. Now I’m not saying her parents were wrong. Because her father was a farmer and he said none of his kids were ever going to be a farmer. She ended up becoming a bacteriologist. She described long days bent over microscope in the stifling heat of Florida in the 50s. She actually quit her job to try to conceive a baby at the advice of her doctor. I did not think that was anything but an urban legend.
Anyway, it didn’t work so they adopted me as a newborn. She was forbidden to work for three years by the state of Florida after adoption. My sister was adopted in 62 so there went three more years. She didn’t go back to work until we were teenagers
However, my mother was a person of incredible drive and creativity unlike anyone I have ever known. She filled her days by learning how to sew to a professional tailor level. Cooking like a gourmet chef. I still have a leather suede jacket she made for me when I was 14. She also knitted me a coat when I was six that I use as a sweater.
She had a huge garden and we went off them pick vegetables for a salad. She decapod anything she could find that would lie down long enough for her to slap mod podge on it. She made all of her clothes and our clothes. She took courses and interior design and flipped five houses by the time I was 11. My dad kept getting new jobs in the field of public health, which was new and really hot back then.
Also, she seemed really enjoy having us around full-time. I am the mother of two adoptive daughters myself and I really don’t see how she did it. Especially before disposable diapers.
I was actually terrified of getting married because I did not think I could find a marriage as happy as my parents and so I didn’t until I was 33.
This was fucking fantastic
I love laughing while reading this series. But where is part 2? My search has led nowhere but to the bottle of Valium🥺
Pow-er-ful. Dang. Women's history is so depressing. Great reporting. I remember reading Friedan in college in the early 80's. Even then other students commented about the types of gals who took a Women's Studies course. Sigh.
I tried to find evidence of women murdering their rapist husbands with poison in the 18th century, but a cursory search revealed it was more of a 19th century phenomena, and most of the articles were about suicide. I was looking for a joke. I did not find one. Thanks for writing this. It was great.
Impressive how you can top yourself,
apparently you can write about anything!
Mom split in 1970 for a chance to grab life. (antique shop, weed, no married man in town was safe)
Father said,
" just when everything was going so nicely, Marie"
Still close friends with moms first BF and I see him often, dear kind man. His brother in the insane asylums Psychiatrist in Traverse City turned out to be my future wifes dad. Ahh the currents of time and life.
I did wait until 52 though
Raised by 2 fairly functional co-dependents. My friends called it, " playing the long game"
though I think that is a cloaked wish-affirmation of their own marriage lived terror. Many are divorced now, spit out of the matrimony universe like a watermelon seed.
They tell/ told me things. Post divorce the men compared life to the final scene in Deliverance when
Ned Beatty tells Jon Voight, " I dont think I'll see you for a while Ed"
The women were more like, " vibrators dont talk back"
But I have a dear Irish Psychiatrists daughter wife now ( and she isnt my property) And if I bitch about
why open a fresh orange marmalade to go with the Brie when there is one on the door,
she will just fake punch me in the nuts..
that felt better, do you take blue cross/ blue shield?
It’s pretty startling to realize that women couldn’t have their own credit card or bank account until the 70’s. This is an excellent article. Funny and informative. Thank you. (I actually did LOL.)
Thanks for the awesome article! That bit about women having fulfilling careers before and during WWII and being pushed to be housewives after floored me. That explains the whiplash I feel when I want to have a career and be independent and at the same time feel like I’m too independent and failing as a wife. Because I must do it all and be everything. The 70s and 80s were a weird time to come of age.
I am loving this series with all my heart.
You raise a good point: Why is there no “Best Woman?” But then, we’d have to dispose of the phrase, “Never a bride, always a bridesmaid.”
wonderful (as always)! quick question--my spouse is a US historian who often talks/writes about coverture, but I've never heard her say it was repealed by the Supreme Court in the 1960s (when she talks about it, she notes the ERA would have eradicated it). can I ask what case you're talking about? thanks!
This is incredible. Engaging as always, no surprise, but packed with stuff I hadn't known. Excuse me, I'm going to read it again.
Yikes. I am traumatized just reading this. This may be why I'm still single and live in a van. And I'm a white cis male.
I sense from your writing that age-wise you and I are probably in the same ballpark. That no doubt grants me a perspective that accounts for relating to a fair amount of your writing. As a man you can sometimes make me feel ashamed of that fact based on the history of man/woman relationships. I can at least feel somewhat confident that these days the "role" of the woman has a new perception relative to 70 years ago. (At least in my "neighborhood"!...) I love your writing and particularly your great wit and sense of humor. To quote "Frank 4", "Thanks for writing this. It was great."