Before you read any further, let me begin by making it clear that not only do I have no expertise in the field of mental health but I am also aware that there is quite a bit of evidence to prove that I am not a very good happiness role model. I have chosen to put this on the table, right in the beginning, in order to keep us from being dragged into the exhausting quagmire that would surely result from even the smallest amount of research into my daily moods.
Happy anniversary, Merrill! We here at Rule of Three appreciate the fact that, confronted with so many numerical options, you landed on three. Our three rules are: “Secure a beverage; don’t be a douchebag; and amuse yourself,” but yours are nice too.
This was so perfect, so screamingly funny on a variety of different levels. Firstly, I have always had these exact same thoughts about It's A Wonderful Life - AND, I worked in a public library setting myself for many years and, um, it's actually not the ultimate worst fate ... (What you say about picking out her own furnishings with no arguing is the BEST, incidentally) I still love the film though as I am a Sentimentalist and when I saw it on the big screen a few years ago, had to be helped outside at the end as I was weeping so violently, haha. Your (brilliant) writing is something I always look forward to here at Substack, so please don't stop. Humour is vital just to get through these days - especially yours!
Aww thanks. Side note: My mother went back to school and got a masters degree in librarianship. For a while she rode around on the bookmobile. She wound up at Stanford library!
Hearing "gosh, you don't look like a librarian" one billionty times and wondering if that means the standard spinster/cat lady librarian stereotype or the take off her glasses and she's a tiger librarian porno stereotype goes with the territory. Thanks, Frank.
thank you for mentioning that bit about throwing your writing into the void. I write a tiny little column in a very tiny little newspaper in one of the emptiest parts of the Poconos/Catskills and always wonder why the heck I am bothering because I never hear a thing back.
I have written for Randomhouse and the New York TImes and achieved the same result! Maybe its the mark of an excellent piece of work. I am going with that as the explanation.
I especially appreciate your cartoon pieces with dogs doing stupid human things, and your Fashion Week comparisons in photos. Those made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants! Note to self: use the bathroom before reading Merrill Markoe's posts!
I have been meaning to talk to my dogs about providing me with more quality ideas. They have not been very inspiring lately. I am glad you like my pieces. Going now to sit the dogs down for a lecture in cuteness.
I want to apologize to Mary. It never crossed my mind, until now, that she may have always dreamed of working as a librarian but never got the chance. I'm surprised at myself. Thanks Merrill for opening my eyes.
Her whole marriage, she may have been waiting for the day that George would give her permission to go out and get a job. My father's generation thought it made them look bad if the wife worked.
I'm one of THOSE people that might click on anything Dylan, though you might end up with Dylan Thomas or Dylan McDermott. Which is fine, particularly if you dig Welsh poets. Anyway, I was a subscriber before the Dylan piece. Because I've enjoyed your work for many years. Keep up the fine Substacking.
Hey Merrill, thanks for all the art, wisdom and laughs. Your closing advice is actually my general how-to-be-happy practice! That and telling myself how good I am (good enough), and, when I can remember, lifting my cheeks to reduce resting bitch face. It's like smiling, but not quite. And I do believe that acting happy helps make it real sometimes and to some extent. Doesn't hurt.
I am in awe of your production over the last year. I promised myself I would do 10 and I think I made it to 9. So congratulations. And thank you. And the fact that it is free is just amazing, I send it to people and tell them they better take advantage of it, because some big corporation is going to swoop in and pay Merrill millions and put her writing behind a paywall.
On a different note, I am a big fan of reading about It's a Wonderful Life. It started with A.O. Scott's review of it in the NYT and now whenever I see a reference to how cool Pottersville was, I have to click. (I think the dark version is Pottersville, I'm not obsessed, just a fan.) I had never seen a write up of his wife. I needed to add that to my list of stuff Pottersville does better than Happyville or whatever. (It's Bedford Falls, I looked it up.) Pottersville has an awesome librarian who knows all the books and is very stylish and self-confident. I think you did a much better job of making her seem really great. And as always the whole thing is so funny.
I stopped for a moment when I read this: "...once I submitted my work to a publisher, I might never again hear a reaction of any kind from anyone. It was a bit like putting a message into a bottle and then throwing it into the sea." I'm really sorry to hear that. I always assumed you were getting editorial feedback! In my department (copyediting) there was a mostly unspoken rule that we not intrude on the author with our personal opinions. But now I can confess the truth: I very much enjoyed reading and working on your books!
Awww. Thanks. I sometimes got editorial feedback. Sometimes not. But what i really meant was that after my work was published, if there werent any reviews, then I never heard anyone say a word about anything I had written. Period. It was like the books disappeared after they were out in the world.
Ahh, I see. I'm sure that was frustrating. I want to blame the fact that publishing houses grew so mega-large and everyone always seemed to be looking forward to the next ms. that was coming in so they could rush it out. But I suppose there may have been other forces at work, too.
According to my Internet research, Happy Potato is either a clothing brand or a Malaysian French fry chain.
Similar to the horrible book-filled fate of Mary, in one of my favorite series from childhood (Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace) the children befriend an old spinster in the wood who spends her days reading and sewing alone. By the end of the story they have brought her into society and she becomes a farmer’s wife. Reading this as an adult, I cannot imagine a worse fate than being ripped from my little house in the woods to be a farmer’s wife. Also as an adult, I realized the old spinster was 35.
Anyone who publishes a list of 14 or 16 tips about anything cannot be trusted to give sound advice. I'm going to put together the Top 15 Tips to Make Your Tips List Be Taken Seriously.
Congratulations on your substackiversary! You were my first subscription and remain my favorite.
Happy anniversary, Merrill! We here at Rule of Three appreciate the fact that, confronted with so many numerical options, you landed on three. Our three rules are: “Secure a beverage; don’t be a douchebag; and amuse yourself,” but yours are nice too.
This was so perfect, so screamingly funny on a variety of different levels. Firstly, I have always had these exact same thoughts about It's A Wonderful Life - AND, I worked in a public library setting myself for many years and, um, it's actually not the ultimate worst fate ... (What you say about picking out her own furnishings with no arguing is the BEST, incidentally) I still love the film though as I am a Sentimentalist and when I saw it on the big screen a few years ago, had to be helped outside at the end as I was weeping so violently, haha. Your (brilliant) writing is something I always look forward to here at Substack, so please don't stop. Humour is vital just to get through these days - especially yours!
Aww thanks. Side note: My mother went back to school and got a masters degree in librarianship. For a while she rode around on the bookmobile. She wound up at Stanford library!
Oh, this is very much discussed in library circles. THE HORROR, THE HORROR.
I would think so. I guess beloved film hero Frank Capra was actually a pain in the ass when you got to know him.
Hearing "gosh, you don't look like a librarian" one billionty times and wondering if that means the standard spinster/cat lady librarian stereotype or the take off her glasses and she's a tiger librarian porno stereotype goes with the territory. Thanks, Frank.
thank you for mentioning that bit about throwing your writing into the void. I write a tiny little column in a very tiny little newspaper in one of the emptiest parts of the Poconos/Catskills and always wonder why the heck I am bothering because I never hear a thing back.
I have written for Randomhouse and the New York TImes and achieved the same result! Maybe its the mark of an excellent piece of work. I am going with that as the explanation.
Excellent suggestion! Just so perfect any comment would be superfluous, almost insulting!
I especially appreciate your cartoon pieces with dogs doing stupid human things, and your Fashion Week comparisons in photos. Those made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants! Note to self: use the bathroom before reading Merrill Markoe's posts!
I have been meaning to talk to my dogs about providing me with more quality ideas. They have not been very inspiring lately. I am glad you like my pieces. Going now to sit the dogs down for a lecture in cuteness.
Brilliant. I nominate this for something and for more than one thing.
Haaaaa.
I want to apologize to Mary. It never crossed my mind, until now, that she may have always dreamed of working as a librarian but never got the chance. I'm surprised at myself. Thanks Merrill for opening my eyes.
Her whole marriage, she may have been waiting for the day that George would give her permission to go out and get a job. My father's generation thought it made them look bad if the wife worked.
I'm one of THOSE people that might click on anything Dylan, though you might end up with Dylan Thomas or Dylan McDermott. Which is fine, particularly if you dig Welsh poets. Anyway, I was a subscriber before the Dylan piece. Because I've enjoyed your work for many years. Keep up the fine Substacking.
Thank you Mr. Rosenberg. I like all the Dylans as well.
Hey Merrill, thanks for all the art, wisdom and laughs. Your closing advice is actually my general how-to-be-happy practice! That and telling myself how good I am (good enough), and, when I can remember, lifting my cheeks to reduce resting bitch face. It's like smiling, but not quite. And I do believe that acting happy helps make it real sometimes and to some extent. Doesn't hurt.
You're right. There is not all that much difference.
Thank you, Merrill! You kill me.
I am in awe of your production over the last year. I promised myself I would do 10 and I think I made it to 9. So congratulations. And thank you. And the fact that it is free is just amazing, I send it to people and tell them they better take advantage of it, because some big corporation is going to swoop in and pay Merrill millions and put her writing behind a paywall.
On a different note, I am a big fan of reading about It's a Wonderful Life. It started with A.O. Scott's review of it in the NYT and now whenever I see a reference to how cool Pottersville was, I have to click. (I think the dark version is Pottersville, I'm not obsessed, just a fan.) I had never seen a write up of his wife. I needed to add that to my list of stuff Pottersville does better than Happyville or whatever. (It's Bedford Falls, I looked it up.) Pottersville has an awesome librarian who knows all the books and is very stylish and self-confident. I think you did a much better job of making her seem really great. And as always the whole thing is so funny.
Thanks Frank!!
Merrill, I loved this. Thank you. I suppose I now need to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life'... sigh.
I stopped for a moment when I read this: "...once I submitted my work to a publisher, I might never again hear a reaction of any kind from anyone. It was a bit like putting a message into a bottle and then throwing it into the sea." I'm really sorry to hear that. I always assumed you were getting editorial feedback! In my department (copyediting) there was a mostly unspoken rule that we not intrude on the author with our personal opinions. But now I can confess the truth: I very much enjoyed reading and working on your books!
Awww. Thanks. I sometimes got editorial feedback. Sometimes not. But what i really meant was that after my work was published, if there werent any reviews, then I never heard anyone say a word about anything I had written. Period. It was like the books disappeared after they were out in the world.
Ahh, I see. I'm sure that was frustrating. I want to blame the fact that publishing houses grew so mega-large and everyone always seemed to be looking forward to the next ms. that was coming in so they could rush it out. But I suppose there may have been other forces at work, too.
Does a very late comment like this count toward your happiness ?
Anyway, rest assured that your 80s "Late Night" contributions made many people happy at the end of some miserable work days.
According to my Internet research, Happy Potato is either a clothing brand or a Malaysian French fry chain.
Similar to the horrible book-filled fate of Mary, in one of my favorite series from childhood (Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace) the children befriend an old spinster in the wood who spends her days reading and sewing alone. By the end of the story they have brought her into society and she becomes a farmer’s wife. Reading this as an adult, I cannot imagine a worse fate than being ripped from my little house in the woods to be a farmer’s wife. Also as an adult, I realized the old spinster was 35.
Anyone who publishes a list of 14 or 16 tips about anything cannot be trusted to give sound advice. I'm going to put together the Top 15 Tips to Make Your Tips List Be Taken Seriously.
Congratulations on your substackiversary! You were my first subscription and remain my favorite.
Awww. And YAY!
Happy Anniversary! The only Substack I look for and read regularly, because you have always made me laugh out loud. Thank you.