HOW to FIND THE RIGHT SNACK

While we wait to see if democracy will survive, TIME FOR A SNACK.

As we sit around, waiting to find out if the United States of America is going to continue being a democracy or if we are going to have to pack up everything and figure out to where we are going to flee, some of us may be feeling just a little bit tense. There are only a few things we can do: Option1) When the time comes, go out and help defeat the authoritarian lunatic who is trying to regain the presidency, either by canvassing, donating money or standing on a street corner shrieking. or Option 2) Find something to binge watch to help temporarily block out how freaked you are.

And in order to successfully participate in Option 2, we are all going to need to stock up on SNACKS. Snacks are one of the most important aids for traversing nerve-wracking times. Yet not nearly enough is known about them. So today let’s take a closer look at a few of the basic and time-tested rules for snacking.

IT’S SNACKTIME

You can tell by the giant clock in your left hand that, depending on when you woke up, it’s time for either a MID-MORNING or MID-AFTERNOON SNACK! Why else would you find yourself sitting at your white kitchen table in a matching outfit with all of the fruit you had in your refrigerator displayed in a long row in front of you?

But lately…whew… why is even snack time starting to feel so stressful? Even after you went back into the refrigerator and, realizing you were in no mood for fruit, took out all the vegetables and surrounded yourself with them.

“There must be a snack for me here, you are thinking, “But what should it be? How about a nice bowl of acorns? Or something I can whip up using eight radishes, a leek and a large habanero pepper?

One thing you are sure of: You don’t have a lot of time to waste on snack preparation. Today’s modern woman barely has the time to focus on getting her lipstick to match her watch band, let alone figure out how to make a tasty and satisfying snack out of 2 heads of brocolli, a zuchini, some grapes and a lime.

In the event that you find yourself paralyzed by what the snacking professionals refer to as “Snack Fatigue”, it is time to reacquaint yourself with the classic, time-tested and time-saving RULES of SNACK. Let’s review:

RULE NUMBER ONE: Do not let yourself become so exasperated and stressed out that you do not realize, until several bites in, that you have no idea what you are even eating. Depending on what it turns out to be, your consequences may vary.

RULE NUMBER TWO: DO NOT SUCCUMB TO ANXIETY

Remain calm. As long as you have any food of any type in the house, there is a snack looming. So ask yourself this question: Which would you rather? 13 carefully stacked cookies OR a plate of cherry tomatos with a handful of raw spinach thrown on top? Take your time. Tension is the enemy of snacking

RULE NUMBER 4: CONSIDER THE ‘HAND-FEEL’.

NUMBER FIVE:

NUMBER 6: SNACK YOGA

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: BEWARE OBVIOUS SNACK MISTAKES

RULE NUMBER EIGHT: NO SNACK TOO LARGE.

RULE NUMBER NINE: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS….

When none of the above prove effective, the fool proof approach that will solve your snacking problems is to spread all of your food out on the floor and then lie down on top of it. At such close range, only certain things will continue to seem edible. Eat them.

So good luck with your snacking. And also with the continuation and preservation of democracy.