How to survive a party.
PREPARE TO MEET YOUR PARTY TWIN FLAME!
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had trouble coping with parties. I know it seems ridiculous on the face of it. A party is meant to be a positive, even a joyful experience. That is what I tell the rational side of my brain as the panicky reaction that lives deep in my unconscious riggles free and begins to take hold. And it doesn’t seem to change things that I can trace the origins of my problem back to uncomfortable party moments in my early childhood involving my controlling mother. The feelings of anxiety around parties are so ancient that they can not be easily erased.
Which brings us to right now, as we are all about to embark on the beginning of another holiday season that usually means an obstacle course full of parties. Because I am aware that there are other people who share this behavioral quirk with me, (I have read that we are sometimes labeled introverts), today I am going to share my personal party coping techniques. My premise is that they can help shift your party hysteria away from panic and toward the welcoming arms of the happy party people. And no, I have no idea what I just said.
We move on.
HOW TO OVER RIDE YOUR ANXIETY AND ATTEND A PARTY
Begin by accepting that once you have said yes to an invitation, your fate is sealed. You said you would be there and now you are expected to be there. It will be noticed if you never show. THERE IS NO WAY OUT so stop trying to find one. Instead, begin your journey by diving into some rigorous grooming. Because party gospel has it that if you look okay, things will go smoothly.
Therefore STEP ONE is a form of party prep in which you will put on and then quickly remove EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF CLOTHING THAT YOU OWN in an attempt to decide what you are going to wear.
2. Now that process of elimination has caused you to decide that this is as good as you are going to look, you may want to embrace your last opportunity to text the host of the party, with a rash of unassailable reasons why it will be impossible for you to attend. As you compose the text, remember to emphasize how disappointed you are that it has worked out this way. You were so looking forward to seeing everyone. As you push SEND, indulge yourself in a great sigh of relief . Feel how it lifts your spirits and fills your heart with peace. Revel in these feelings until you realize that your text can not be delivered because you do not have a current phone number for the host.
Officially out of excuses, tell yourself to SHUT UP. You have no choice but to attend. 3. As you head for the door, repeatedly remind yourself that according to some lady you read on Google, you only have to stay an hour. Thirty minutes is also considered acceptable, according to this same lady. So come on: you mean to tell me you can’t tolerate 30 minutes of high spirited festivities? Absolutely you can! Now one step at a time, continue to move slowly but steadily toward your car. Get in to the car. Now back the car into the street.
4.Put a smile on your face as soon as you arrive at the party. Hey—that’s not a smile. That’s a grimace. They are not the same thing. Try again and use your cheeks this time. Show some teeth, goddam it.
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7. But before you can really focus on how to gracefully finesse your exit, you will be joined by a person you have never met before.
Unfortunately, this is the kind of person to whom you take an immediate disliking. You are not sure why you are having this reaction, but it is palpable. Is it because this is a person who never says anything interesting? Or is it because this is also a person who says many things that are very.off-putting? Who can say?
Explain to yourself that there is NO POINT IN BOTHERING TO RESIST this person who will apparently stand and talk at you for as long as you let them. And chances are you are going to let them as long as they seem like a better choice than trying to integrate yourself into the intimidating fun group’ that is dominating the center of the room.
10. Understand that the reason you find yourself trapped with this person is because you have just met YOUR PARTY TWIN FLAME. This is a person SELECTED ESPECIALLY FOR YOU by THE FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE to be glued to your side, from this day forward, at every party you ever attend, as long as you both shall live. Now and forever more, you will face only two party options, no matter whose party it is or where it is taking place. You can either learn how to get over yourself and GET INVOLVED WITH THE ACTUAL ON-GOING PARTY, like a normal adult, or be forever locked in a ‘folie a deux’ with YOUR PARTY TWIN FLAME, who will always be waiting for you no matter where you show up.
11. I do not mean to alarm you by implying that you do not have free will. (For that, you will have to read the new Robert Sapolsky book.) Rather I will postulate that after enduring what seems like an endless hour long reunion with your PARTY TWIN FLAME (but may only have been a few minutes,) it will still be possible for you to figure out a way to escape, unobserved. REMEMBER: some lady on Google said THIRTY MINUTES IS ACCEPTABLE. And that means that it is now appropriate for you to take the only course of action that is actually open.
12. Once you get home, sit quietly and breathe deeply. Rejoice in how great it feels to have your old party-free life returned to you. Now is a good time to remind yourself that there is no law that says you have to attend any party. At least not yet. (Though Marjorie Taylor Greene might have something like this up her sleeve for 2024.) In the future, try to remind yourself that as soon as you say yes to attending ANY party, the universe will instantaneously also notify your party twin flame . There is no chance that they will not be waiting.
P.S. If you ARE planning to throw a party this holiday, why not take a few hints from this timeless piece of wisdom? Coffee you can DANCE to!!
I often bully myself into attending events as well. Luckily the smile/drink/corner combo is a power-move and can get anyone through most social situations with or without twin flame.
I completely relate!