29 Comments
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Morgan OCailleigh's avatar

The ideal response to the helicopter would have been "Go away or I shall taunt you a second time !"

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Vicky E's avatar

I have a T-shirt that has a large "TSA" and a government seal at the top. In smaller letters below, it says "The only branch of government that actually listens." I thought it was funny when I bought it but the font is too small to easily read, and whenever anyone asked, they never got the joke anyway. Now I wear it for pajamas.

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painedumonde's avatar

Like a ray of fucking sunshine, I got the joke!

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Wendy's avatar

Re : the soon-to-be charging platoon of German Shepherds. I'd be the same way : "Oooooh, look! Puppies!!!" (I love it when you pop up in my email.)

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Hooray! That is the hoped for reaction!

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Heather Murray's avatar

I am typically far too grumpy to smile at anything when I first wake up but this caused me to laugh out loud ..thank you Merrill !

Proof that the everyday is where the humour is )

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Her's avatar

I’m wondering if you follow “Arcane Bullshit” on IG.

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Yes. It is he who made the shirt. I own waaay too many of his shirts. In fact right now I am wearing one that says Please Dont Kill Us Moon. And has a huge drawing of the moon with a face. I love that Arcane BS guy.

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Simply Fab's avatar

Your humor is my type of humor. So poetic and fucking absurd. I love your writing!!!!

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Thank you. I am very happy to hear that.

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Ërb's avatar

Amazon sometimes randomly sends stuff to the wrong name and address. Apparently they have computers from 1980.

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Ërb's avatar

Also I am reminded to mention how great it is that you offer all this writing and art for FREE. We are the lucky ones, and anyone who unsubscribes is just Dumb.

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Aww. Thanks a lot. Also If Amazon grabbed all that money and power with computers from 1980, it certainly seems possible we have all been making a mistake continuously upgrading our operating systems.

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brian m's avatar

stopping time, bare-handed bird catcher, first name basis with peacocks and a double dog dare you to ask

t -shirt in TJ's....Andy crushed it 😊

per usual, Thank you!

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Per usual...Thank you. Every time I post something, a dozen people jump ship. I guess they read a few sentences and think "I dont know WHAT this is supposed to be but I was hoping for some humorous rage against Trump, and now we are talking about ...socks?" and this is the opposite of the kind of reinforcement for which a person hopes. ANd then YOU show up and say nice things and I am all "Okay. So not a total failure after all!" Thanks again.

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Marjorie David's avatar

Hey, Merrill, what is the name of the store where you found the water bug tee shirt? I want one. No explanation required. It’s Marjorie David; you may not remember me, but we’ve met a few times and this substack is great.

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Your name instantly rang a bell with me but I cant remember who you are exactly. Any hints? The shirt comes from arcaneullshit.com.

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Bill Southern's avatar

“Unplanned Sock Bonanza” would be a great name for a band.

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Time to re-start your guitar lessons.

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Rebecca Bik Parker's avatar

You are the best. Thank you! And way to go with the bird-catching.

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

Thank YOU. You just made my morning.

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SnarfyNewcomerOpinesBasically's avatar

OOH OOH You have to come to my house and catch my porch pigeon.she escaped from a neighbor's coop and has found a home

and meaning pooping on our porch.PLEASE

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Mavis Jukes's avatar

“On this day, this was the shirt I was wearing when I stopped at Trader Joe’s to buy a few things.”

Oh please. This Trader Joe jerk wanted an excuse to stare at your breasts.

Next time, wear a shirt that says: “What the hell are you lookin’ at? If you can read this: FUCK OFF

😀

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Pia Owens's avatar

Congratulations on developing the ability to stop time.

We have rafters of turkeys around. Peahens seem exotic to me, but I'm used to looking out the window and seeing a bunch of turkeys.

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Merrill Markoe's avatar

I just saw the full chorus line of peahens walking down my street, casually stopping traffic. Are turkeys this domesticated?

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Pia Owens's avatar

They cross at the crosswalk!

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