Merrill, you missed a golden opportunity for emotional fulfillment. You could have left a note on the perpetrator's windshield, describing your agonizing experience and why you let the air out of one of their tires.
First of all, you've got the best mole hills. Please keep them and all the vast super huge mountains you experience coming our way.
Second, I just had to do this on a ferry in Costa Rica. They had made us park our cars so close to the wall that anyone with a rented KIA suv had to shimmy over and dump ourselves out of the passenger door. Which, it turns out, was the easier part of the equation. The much more difficult part occured when it came time to get back into the car. I faced the same obsticles you faced. And although I am not exactly of average weight, that was not the bigger issue. I know what you are thinking, clearly it was the massive increase in temperature that spending two hours in the cramped belly of a huge steel monster that was making it worse. But no. It was the crowd of onlookers.
It was the crowd of mostly thin Costa Ricans watching the fat American roll around in the rented KIA SUV that made it worse. And I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to turn on the air conditioning, as it seemed being trapped in an enclosed space with 100 cars would probably kill us all. So I just was sweating and why are legs so big and why do joints hurt? Have they always been waiting for a moment to tell me that they are neglected? “Hey big boy, you should have been doing some yoga and laying off the Standard American Diet because now you have a weird pain in your hip.”
It was with a heavy heart and an embarrassed grin that I had to watch the poor woman in front of me with her 10 year old, open the back hatch of her car and climb up to the front. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t move, as I was now stuck in the driver’s seat. I pretended to fiddle with the radio that still wasn’t turned on.
The guy who comes to a humor column and says "you make a mountain out of a mole hill" is part of a large American tribe who really should not be permitted to reproduce but corporations and the Republican Party would never allow such a prohibition to take place. Star warrior: the guy who wrote to thank the San Francisco Examiner for canceling ZIPPY.
In reference to #2-2: please state what kind of plant it's okay to park next to. I'm suspicious of prickly pear cactus and nuclear power but if you say it's okay, it's okay.
Its not so much about the kind of plant as it is about the fact that plants dont drive and
will not block you from getting into your car. Tho I think you are correct that an encroaching prickly pear is not a good parking companion to sidle up to either.
I wish I still had a flyer that my old friend Floyd had printed for just such occasions. It was a drawing of Mickey Mouse flipping the bird, and the text said: “Thanks for parking so close, asshole. Next time leave me a can opener so I can get my car out. Jerks like you should take the bus!”
Oy. Terrible! I’m glad you got out okay. I think yoga paid off. Your fabulous drawings. So great! I felt a little claustrophobic looking at them but I’m okay. I had a drink of water.
You make much ado about a lot of things and hilariously so. Keep up the good work.👍🏼
I’m reassured to know you do the 360 degree scan. Good lookin’ out! Do you do that one one leg or two? Is it a kind of pirouette? Just trying to make a mental picture.
Ouch, that's no fun. I've had similar situations frequently enough that when I bought my last car, "how hard is it to get from the passenger side to the driver's seat?" was a major consideration.
Ha, I wrote a reply with my own recent complex awful tale of packages and the Fed EX GPS, and photos of mysterious doorsteps and days going by. At the end it was long and maybe dull unless one were there and engaged in the chase. Yours was funny and helpful and very funny.
Merrill, you missed a golden opportunity for emotional fulfillment. You could have left a note on the perpetrator's windshield, describing your agonizing experience and why you let the air out of one of their tires.
We call the spot next to a plant “a good Detroit parking place” because your car can get doored on only one side.
First of all, you've got the best mole hills. Please keep them and all the vast super huge mountains you experience coming our way.
Second, I just had to do this on a ferry in Costa Rica. They had made us park our cars so close to the wall that anyone with a rented KIA suv had to shimmy over and dump ourselves out of the passenger door. Which, it turns out, was the easier part of the equation. The much more difficult part occured when it came time to get back into the car. I faced the same obsticles you faced. And although I am not exactly of average weight, that was not the bigger issue. I know what you are thinking, clearly it was the massive increase in temperature that spending two hours in the cramped belly of a huge steel monster that was making it worse. But no. It was the crowd of onlookers.
It was the crowd of mostly thin Costa Ricans watching the fat American roll around in the rented KIA SUV that made it worse. And I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to turn on the air conditioning, as it seemed being trapped in an enclosed space with 100 cars would probably kill us all. So I just was sweating and why are legs so big and why do joints hurt? Have they always been waiting for a moment to tell me that they are neglected? “Hey big boy, you should have been doing some yoga and laying off the Standard American Diet because now you have a weird pain in your hip.”
It was with a heavy heart and an embarrassed grin that I had to watch the poor woman in front of me with her 10 year old, open the back hatch of her car and climb up to the front. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t move, as I was now stuck in the driver’s seat. I pretended to fiddle with the radio that still wasn’t turned on.
Now THAT is a much more nightmarish version of what I just wrote. Whew. Glad THAT's over. At least you got to see Costa Rica!
"the best mole hills" --exactly !!
The guy who comes to a humor column and says "you make a mountain out of a mole hill" is part of a large American tribe who really should not be permitted to reproduce but corporations and the Republican Party would never allow such a prohibition to take place. Star warrior: the guy who wrote to thank the San Francisco Examiner for canceling ZIPPY.
Much ado about nothing was good enough for Shakespeare!
Your drawings captured the facial expressions so vividly.
Thanks. I forgot about Shakespeare. Good point. I will mention that to GROUCHY MAN if he ever....ohwait. He can't. I think I blocked him.
Thank you.
In reference to #2-2: please state what kind of plant it's okay to park next to. I'm suspicious of prickly pear cactus and nuclear power but if you say it's okay, it's okay.
Its not so much about the kind of plant as it is about the fact that plants dont drive and
will not block you from getting into your car. Tho I think you are correct that an encroaching prickly pear is not a good parking companion to sidle up to either.
“Car Interior Maneuvering Yoga” sounds like a much better workout than “Goat Yoga.”
I wish I still had a flyer that my old friend Floyd had printed for just such occasions. It was a drawing of Mickey Mouse flipping the bird, and the text said: “Thanks for parking so close, asshole. Next time leave me a can opener so I can get my car out. Jerks like you should take the bus!”
Not a bad idea!
Nice giggle
and
your life flashing before your eyes is 20% tootsie rolls and peppermints!
Yes. As it is for most thinking and feeling human beings.
Great tale and even better drawings made me laugh! Even better than the axe murderer…
Awww. THANKS!
Lordy, thank you for this. I thought I was the only one that got herself into “situations.”
Please keep making mountains out of mole hills! They bring this reader some much-needed joy!
Aww. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Oy. Terrible! I’m glad you got out okay. I think yoga paid off. Your fabulous drawings. So great! I felt a little claustrophobic looking at them but I’m okay. I had a drink of water.
You make much ado about a lot of things and hilariously so. Keep up the good work.👍🏼
I’m reassured to know you do the 360 degree scan. Good lookin’ out! Do you do that one one leg or two? Is it a kind of pirouette? Just trying to make a mental picture.
Ouch, that's no fun. I've had similar situations frequently enough that when I bought my last car, "how hard is it to get from the passenger side to the driver's seat?" was a major consideration.
Bring on the mole hills, I say!
Thats an interesting point: the traverse ratio. I will remember that when I get a new car.
Wow those superhuman drawings are, to me, worth your agony. I know those moves myself. A seat position warning should flash before the car is exited.
Excellent point. It definitely should.
Thank you, Merrill!
Ha, I wrote a reply with my own recent complex awful tale of packages and the Fed EX GPS, and photos of mysterious doorsteps and days going by. At the end it was long and maybe dull unless one were there and engaged in the chase. Yours was funny and helpful and very funny.