The mysterious woman is writing down her plan to murder the staring man. The grinning man in the suit is interviewing for a finance job and spots the CEO walking down the hall, so he flings himself down in obeisance but also opens his laptop to show he's always ready to work.
Love your work, Merrill. I'm particularly impressed by your restraint in not commenting on the popcorn being on a plate instead of in a bowl. I do not have such restraint. What kind of psychopath puts popcorn on a plate?
This is the rare edition of your posts where I knew exactly where to look for the joke. It’s still in the picture of the woman lying on her stomach holding the Chardonnay in one hand and her eyeglasses in the other while she’s “working” on her laptop. This time it’s even funnier.
Thank you for reposting this. When I lived in New York I knew many freelance writers and none of them had Carrie Bradshaw wardrobes (nor her Manolo’s) and as far as I know did not casually lay on their stomachs to write. In fact they did nothing casually — they were for the most part neurotic, frazzled, ink-stained wretches (said with love), prone to overeating and in some cases over-imbibing. The women in these photos are must be making shopping lists in their pristine notebooks.
I know a guy -- and you probably know him, too, David Wild -- who actually writes in this position, on his belly on the floor. Or at least he used to. Maybe not anymore, what with the threat of acid reflux and such.
My second most annoying only-in-film position is the fall straight back on to the bed from a standing position, arms out. As if this is a more relaxing way to deal with lying down when in fact it only exists because directors like the overhead shot it creates. I dont believe ANYONE ever does this.
I've spent so much time reading in that position that I have tendonitis in both elbows. As a bonus, it's also hard on my neck. Have written in that position too, but never on a laptop. Only in a scrawled 2am stroke-of-brilliance note that reveals an insight like "water's wet" when I crack the code of my handwriting.
That was an imaginary lobster roll. But it was a real Branzino. As soon as I got to work that day, I placed bets w my fellow writers as to how many Branzinos she would throw before the scene was finished filming. (Answer: Four.)
⬅️Am I feeling guilty for this perhaps somewhat misleading profile drawing of me, or rather “me,” by Edward Gorey, who definitely deserves at least part of the blame here? If “I” remember correctly, this stretchy pose just happened to be the least suicidal on that particular branch on that particular day. Although some viewers may viciously accuse “me” of trying to write, the gazing off into the distance obviously indicates a most debilitating, possibly permanent, case of writer’s block. Adding to the tragedy, “my” pencil had just fallen out of “my” left hand (because yes “I’m” left-handed) — see sad empty hand extended downward towards lost pencil, somewhere in the grass below, the tiny notepad under “my” right hand now totally useless. Oh well, “I” was getting thirsty by then anyway & climbed down to get a martini.
There are so many clues in that drawing that whoever that is will NOT going to be doing any writing. But screw all that, YOU got to be in drawing by Edward Gorey? (Or were you being metaphorical. You knew him and he did a drawing of you for real, right? Or am I an easily bamboozled chump?)
Hi Merrill! Just having some fun with your article, sorry for any confusion. When I saw your funny writing about women trying to write while lying on their stomach, it reminded me of the Edward Gorey drawing that I use for my profile picture. It’s an illustration in a book by Rhoda Levine called Three Ladies Beside the Sea. I never knew Edward Gorey, but I love his artwork! And I really like your writing! I was just making up this silly story to kind of compare my Gorey drawing with the photos in your funny article. Thank you!
Ahh! Well, you just got A WHOLE LOT YOUNGER in my mind. When I read the original post, I was thinking of you as about 108 years old! So,...thank you for the compliments and congrats on your rejuvenation.
Loved this one. It’s taught me some new things, like how long a “caption” can actually be when I write my own stuff. I wonder if there is a non-theoretical limit in the Substack universe to how far it can go, like, can I write an entire article as a caption?
Then there are the women in the pictures. God, the back pain. I have - while in male form - attempted to bend that way on a bed with a laptop and achieved nothing but screaming-level pain in seconds that required more than one night of ice packs to remedy. If god had intended us to write like that, she’d have given us rubber spines, which would have seriously impeded our evolution.
Let's just all agree that the "writing" is the macguffin.
I did read this post when it was new, and enjoyed it very much. As I do today.
The mysterious woman is writing down her plan to murder the staring man. The grinning man in the suit is interviewing for a finance job and spots the CEO walking down the hall, so he flings himself down in obeisance but also opens his laptop to show he's always ready to work.
They are not women. They are girls. Teenage girls. In one million movies. Pen poised coyly at mouth corner. They're about to sing something.
It has often occurred to me that it might be just directors/cinematopgraphers and photoshoot crew wanting to look at some girl butt.
Almost certainly.
Love your work, Merrill. I'm particularly impressed by your restraint in not commenting on the popcorn being on a plate instead of in a bowl. I do not have such restraint. What kind of psychopath puts popcorn on a plate?
This is an excellent point. Also THANKS!
I came to the comments to say this very thing!
This is the rare edition of your posts where I knew exactly where to look for the joke. It’s still in the picture of the woman lying on her stomach holding the Chardonnay in one hand and her eyeglasses in the other while she’s “working” on her laptop. This time it’s even funnier.
This is the piece that made me subscribe. One of the better decisions I’ve made.
Thank you for reposting this. When I lived in New York I knew many freelance writers and none of them had Carrie Bradshaw wardrobes (nor her Manolo’s) and as far as I know did not casually lay on their stomachs to write. In fact they did nothing casually — they were for the most part neurotic, frazzled, ink-stained wretches (said with love), prone to overeating and in some cases over-imbibing. The women in these photos are must be making shopping lists in their pristine notebooks.
I remember this piece from when you first posted it. what do I win
I know a guy -- and you probably know him, too, David Wild -- who actually writes in this position, on his belly on the floor. Or at least he used to. Maybe not anymore, what with the threat of acid reflux and such.
I refer to this position as "Gidgeting."
I love that!
My spouse and I have an inside joke about it. And it's only used in film, rather than real life, as you pointed out.
My second most annoying only-in-film position is the fall straight back on to the bed from a standing position, arms out. As if this is a more relaxing way to deal with lying down when in fact it only exists because directors like the overhead shot it creates. I dont believe ANYONE ever does this.
Not only am I sure nobody writes in such a position, I doubt anyone even reads in such a position. I should know; I've tried.
I've spent so much time reading in that position that I have tendonitis in both elbows. As a bonus, it's also hard on my neck. Have written in that position too, but never on a laptop. Only in a scrawled 2am stroke-of-brilliance note that reveals an insight like "water's wet" when I crack the code of my handwriting.
I did not notice any of the writers of the Deborah Vance show on their stomachs. Btw, was that a Maine or a Connecticut lobster roll?
That was an imaginary lobster roll. But it was a real Branzino. As soon as I got to work that day, I placed bets w my fellow writers as to how many Branzinos she would throw before the scene was finished filming. (Answer: Four.)
I kind of knew the lobster roll wasn’t going to show up, but it made me really want a real lobster 🦞 roll.
But to the real Branzino: Four!
Pricey. But made for good TV
⬅️Am I feeling guilty for this perhaps somewhat misleading profile drawing of me, or rather “me,” by Edward Gorey, who definitely deserves at least part of the blame here? If “I” remember correctly, this stretchy pose just happened to be the least suicidal on that particular branch on that particular day. Although some viewers may viciously accuse “me” of trying to write, the gazing off into the distance obviously indicates a most debilitating, possibly permanent, case of writer’s block. Adding to the tragedy, “my” pencil had just fallen out of “my” left hand (because yes “I’m” left-handed) — see sad empty hand extended downward towards lost pencil, somewhere in the grass below, the tiny notepad under “my” right hand now totally useless. Oh well, “I” was getting thirsty by then anyway & climbed down to get a martini.
There are so many clues in that drawing that whoever that is will NOT going to be doing any writing. But screw all that, YOU got to be in drawing by Edward Gorey? (Or were you being metaphorical. You knew him and he did a drawing of you for real, right? Or am I an easily bamboozled chump?)
Hi Merrill! Just having some fun with your article, sorry for any confusion. When I saw your funny writing about women trying to write while lying on their stomach, it reminded me of the Edward Gorey drawing that I use for my profile picture. It’s an illustration in a book by Rhoda Levine called Three Ladies Beside the Sea. I never knew Edward Gorey, but I love his artwork! And I really like your writing! I was just making up this silly story to kind of compare my Gorey drawing with the photos in your funny article. Thank you!
Ahh! Well, you just got A WHOLE LOT YOUNGER in my mind. When I read the original post, I was thinking of you as about 108 years old! So,...thank you for the compliments and congrats on your rejuvenation.
You are a national treasure (not the Nicholas Cage variety).
Thank you. But don’t tell anyone in this administration or they will begin selling an NFT of me dressed as a Marvel character.
Markoe Crypto is RIGHT THERE
Loved this one. It’s taught me some new things, like how long a “caption” can actually be when I write my own stuff. I wonder if there is a non-theoretical limit in the Substack universe to how far it can go, like, can I write an entire article as a caption?
Then there are the women in the pictures. God, the back pain. I have - while in male form - attempted to bend that way on a bed with a laptop and achieved nothing but screaming-level pain in seconds that required more than one night of ice packs to remedy. If god had intended us to write like that, she’d have given us rubber spines, which would have seriously impeded our evolution.
Excellent piece! Absolutely love it. Thank you!